Familiarity breeds contempt, so says the adage, and I Would suspect that few divorcees would argue this point. Yet knowing another person intimately really ought to be regarded as a special privilege: sharing thoughts and feelings, laughing at the same sorts of things; offering advice and comfort when needed, in short, enjoying rich companionship and love. Of course close living has its price, for it means having to consider another's wants and needs. It may mean having to put up with irritating ways, as things which were barely noticeable before living together become sources of annoyance leading to discontent at best and violence at worst.

Jim and Ann decided to move in together after knowing each other for only a short time. Like many young people, they succumbed to fashion and their own inability to wait. At first they were blissfully happy and having proved that they could live peacefully with each other they decided to get married. After a while, however, their friends and families began to notice snide remarks and hurtful comments passing between them. Ann was always putting Jim down by highlighting his weak points, whilst Jim responded either by doing the same or bluntly telling her to shut up. At home it was even worse for there they had no reserve, and slanging matches became a regular feature of their communication. Hurt was promptly repaid with hurt until they had little or no respect left for each other. Determined to have their own way without compromise the inevitable happened, they separated and started divorce proceedings.

The story is a familiar one where gradually rudeness and disrespect replace love and care, resulting parting of the ways. Had Jim and Ann been able to talk and pray about their differences perhaps their marriage could have been saved. In seeking God's help they may have become less self-seeking and more inclined to give and forgive in their relationship.

At the point of divorce a 'cease-fire' is reached, however, the bitterness which usually attends such break-ups often lingers on long after the relationship is formally ended. Hostility may be in abeyance but sometimes its roots remain.

Is there a way forward? Yes, there is, for there is always room for forgiveness, the kind of forgiveness that can only be released within that private place of head and heart. Once forgiveness is given, it becomes possible to move forward in life again without the ball and chain of bitterness dragging behind.

But how can we forgive someone who has made life intolerable? It doesn't seem fair to forgive; it's m too difficult. Well, perhaps we could make a start by consciously trying to wish our ex-partner well in his or life. it will not be easy, but at least the past is behind hopefully we will not have to face him or her again. When the cause of our unhappiness moves out of lives we may not find it so difficult to bestow our good wishes. The alternative is to hold on to grudges, but is almost as bad as cursing the person with whom shared part of our lives. If we foolishly choose this way then we may find to our distress that the unforgiving corner of our hearts will begin to affect any wholeness that we still have left.